I thought, without thinking, without realizing, truly unknowing, thought that if I can only create a personality that everyone loved, then I would be loved? What an amazing, interesting, giving, funny, beautiful, selfless, edgy, stylish person I became, yet alone. I thought if I could get a man to profess a proposal and he would have to go buy me a diamond, that the diamonds was a sign that I was worth it, yet I was never more alone than the day I walked down that aisle. The house, the eccentric art, the self made, the clothing, the neighborhood, that made me original no? My intellect, my all knowing of everything I could get my eyes to absorb, would make you want to speak to me. What a climb of dust and meaninglessness. Not even my parents wanted me. I wasn’t worth living for, fighting to live for. I wasn’t worth it and down to this minute I carried this lie with me. Do you know what this lie has done and how much time it has wasted and stolen of my life? You see my worth doesn’t come from your opinion. My sense of belonging doesn’t come fro belonging on the outside as much as its knowing I am a friend, a daughter, a listener, a seer, a warrior and most solemnly I am majestic to my father. My father who is the creator of life. To be so out of control I hung on to one thing that no one could control not even God and that was suicide. To be able to be completely out of control inside but to think I still had some sense of control. deat seemed so peaceful. It made sense on paper to feel so unwanted, to give the best you got and it not be enough was the cherry on top of me that pushed me into other emotional execution. My friend, you are a great friend, as as the storm is in its final stages in the sky, know that you are in the stillness of my rainbow. Although the evidence of time is long winded, time has a reason. I do not rush, I do not push, because I am a perfectionist and you , my daughter were and will never be alone.

Take me to the place where my mind is quiet. Tell me who I am. Who am I? Take all of myself away so I can hear your breath. Your breath fills my lungs and alive I live in you.

Does it need to be earned? Did you earn it? Do you need to be what you are not being? You are as I am and though a thousand may fall at your side. I will never fail you nor will you fall because you are in my hands. Let the double edge sword speak not the double mind.

Walk in the dark and know your way as in the day. To know Me, is to know me without being, then you will see me. When I ask fo you to lay your desires down, it was to show you how they have worth over me. Your worth doesn’t come from the outside or the void to replace what I want bring to you . The voids to fill won’t. To be stihl and have nothing frighten you is your streghth. I am your strength, I know. I see your fears, your lack, your unwontedness. I have hid you , yet you are so seen. Empty the identity of meaningless dust to be found. Lean into your second site even as the times change, walk through the night as if its is the day and lean not on your own understanding and this is when you will know.

I am your child

your friend

your servant

your creation

your beauty

your voice

your action

You are my

Healer

my friend, my provider, my protector ,my unraveling, my hope, my vision, my family, my value, my lips

They may, he may never had you but I hold you so tight in my hands. Not with a fist do I hold you, but I hold you next to my heart. I am for you not against you. Once your belief comes into alignment, you will see, you will feel, you will know. Doubt robs this from you. Believe to see. The more you build your life on the inside the more the outside will become the lif that’s your true life.

Who are you?

Your vague

Standing in Mud.

I know who you are!

All of heaven can see

My Magnificent Creation

but you don’t really know

What do you want to be?

What is your life worth?

Give me a number

Are you your past?

Sure you are

You will never erase the scars

the wounds

the loss

the knowing all you know

its gone

You are mine

Not just a piece

Iam

not fickel

I do not nor have I

ever handed you a snake or stone

Let me wisper

Let me tell you

who you really are

you are not going to die

from love

But love is your new teacher

Your new ending

Do not be afraid

or we wil have to wait some more

Trust

Lean not on your own understanding

Let Go

Its always been worth it

Im sign to pour unto you all that you will

receive

Be not afraid

The house is finished

How grand she is

Thank you for letting me in

Thank you for trusting me

for being my friend

always

Even when you are upset

You love me the same

Keep your heart and eyes

open

and close your human eyes for good

Not even a hair was out of place

Close the human eyes and let me lead you

to a life that is beyond your desires

I am the same

Be stil

Know

See Im doing a new thing

its beautiful

Love them all

Love Greatly

Pour the dust on their head of forgiveness

and then they will see

me and you

will see me even more

Relax, lighten up, let go, get yourself together, calm down, get in shape, take a mastermind, et organic, get a hair cut, focus on wealth, find a neighborhood, find a car, find a watch, learn something, just better yourself, travel, and

then what

is the happiness at the end of his magical rainbow?

more podcasts, therapists, teachers or preachers?

What I begin to say helps you see something you haven’t seen

how time matters

There is a reason

The list is fleeting and very addictive and meaningless

You have to want to transform and let go of the person you are

It will never come from the list

The list will soothe the symptoms

Let me show you something

Do you know the voices of depression and failure? The whole of time that you crawl into and are wrapped with their words? Your will has none? The voice of your best isn’t enough? The relationship that took your innocence. Took your vulnerability to trust ever again. To love the person you wanted to love with all of you left you will a fear of not being enough. The shocks of life, death, violence, abuse, crime, thieves, murder, whores, con artists, the guts to hope. The guts to heal. The guts to un knot these generational curses.

I cannot.

Jesus will

if I will

let Him

Let my friend open my eyes

open my heart and

know He is

He has

He will be

right here

You are never alone

I ache

I know

I wish I could buy you comfort

or numb your mind for a bi

I see you, you know

I know you know

I know you know your not truly alone

I know

I wish a man or a house could take this

or even a Porsche but you know

I know

the ache is ripping

I promise it will not be much longer

I promise there is no gloat

I am doing a new thing

more than you know

more than you see

I am sorry for the long wind

I am not mean

lean not on your own udnersatnding

and just know that

I know

Come! Come! Come!

All of you who are thirsty and hungry. Come!

You are not alone, Just take a moment

and you will hear, feel and see Me.

I know you

I know you know this

You are not alone

Its in the darkness you will find the light

You will become purified as death has no sting

Now you will be purified and gain great worth

Where moth cannot eat.

Tell me again! Come! Come! Tell me everything!

Come to me I have rest to give you. Come lay it here.

Worship through it all

Sail in the midst of darkness and harness seeing without seeing. Trust the intuition and listen to his still whisper. Then a storm and night will be content as the day and sun.

Your in my shadows

You will sing over me

because You love me

Breathe your truth through me

Give me great courage

I love you

Thank you

You are my air

My companion

My everything

I stand and embrace the beauty in the shadow

Never will you lack. Not even your desires. You will prosper more than you imagine. Belving my love for yo and trusting me fully, then your human life shifts. You are correct that I created Satan, but I also created free will over all my creation. You think I didn’t protect ou, that I wasn’t there for you. That I will let that what was behind you be in front of you? I delivered you. I came inside the house and the past was inside . Generations rested. Nothing is inside this houseanylong but a girl who I have removed al distractions and vices from. Here is my beautiful daughter who speaks wit me clearly but all has become my friend. m not only your savior, you became my friend, my real friend. You are stilly friend even when its thick. You are my friend without wanting something from me. Thank you fr being honest. Not many are. I see you. I know how aloe you are. I know you are afraid of provision. You will alcknothing. You have been so still. You have let go in the fire, its beautiful You have connected to me to create through you. Be not afraid, give me your desires and lean not on your own understanding.

Not ignored, protected, special, called.